IRL Boss Fight: Procrastination

When I procrastinate, I always find the most random distractions to avoid facing what needs to be done. My go-to procrastination activity is...pricking my face and extracting blackheads HAHAHA skl. When I really have something important to do, I’d rather do anything else. ANYTHING. Just not that one thing I’m supposed to.

For the longest time, it's been such a heavy thing to carry, but I didn’t really understand why I kept doing it. I even blamed it on my ADHD, saying, "Wala eh, ganun talaga ako ginawa. Sagittarius ako eh. Gemini moon ako eh. Saturn ko kasi ganito ganyan." I found all sorts of ways to justify it. But then I learned that while our charts reveal patterns, we have the power to rise above them. So I decided to dig deeper and uncover the real root cause of my procrastination.

At first, it’s easy to shrug off responsibilities as just not feeling up to it. Sometimes, I’d even tell myself that it's my intuition that's saying that I don’t feel like doing it. But the longer I delay, the heavier the guilt becomes. And the thought of finally responding to the people I’ve left hanging makes me cringe from embarrassment.

The truth is I’m scared. I’m scared that if I take too long, people will think I’m unreliable, they’ll talk behind my back, or they won’t wanna work with me again. I fear that every time they deal with me, they’ll be on edge, waiting for me to mess up. And the longer I wait, the worse it gets until I end up ghosting them out of shame.

One of the things that I've learned on my healing journey is that THE JUDGMENTS WE HOLD FOR OTHERS OFTEN MIRROR HOW WE JUDGE OURSELVES. AND VICE VERSA.

When I reversed roles, I realized that I get annoyed when I’m the one waiting. When I need something from someone and they don’t get back to me right away, I call it “unprofessional.” THAT SAME JUDGMENT I'VE BEEN AIMING AT OTHERS IS THE SAME ONE I'VE BEEN SILENTLY AIMING AT MYSELF. I was so quick to judge others for what I saw as a lack of professionalism, without acknowledging that I was being equally harsh on myself every time I fell behind or delayed a task. It’s a double-edged sword, expecting perfection from others and feeling guilty when I can’t meet those same expectations for myself.

Realizing this gave me permission to soften, both toward others and toward my own humanity. The pressure eased and I started accomplishing my tasks one by one, slowly but surely. We’re all moving through life at our own pace, with our own energy flows, and sometimes that means slowing down or needing space to recharge. And the more I allowed OTHERS the space and grace to be human, the more the weight lifted off of MY OWN shoulders.

Aaand that's how I beat the Procrastination boss.